Coffee Bar Tips for Chatting on a First Date
First dates can be nerve-racking, but small talk can be worse. When an awkward silence hits, it’s either head for the nearest exit or mention the weather.
For those that weren’t born with the gift of the gab, unlike the weather, there are some topics you should reach for when you start to feel the pressure of a first date.
What you should talk about
Talk about travel, not movies
Studies have found that talking about movies gives you a less than 9 per cent chance of a second date. But talking about travel gave participants an 18 per cent chance of wanting to meet again. Researchers says the reason for this is that men and women typically had very different movie tastes.
Throw the ball back in their court
Talking about yourself the entire date isn’t ideal but staying quiet is just as bad. When your date asks you a question, give your two cents and redirect the conversation back to them. This should set up the foundations of a smooth conversation.
When in doubt, go for the controversial topic
Don’t worry about rocking the boat. Instead of talking about the news, behavioural researchers says dive straight in and ask something personally revealing, such as: how many relationships have they had?
Do you like beer?
According to research, asking your date if they like the taste of beer will give you a good indication about whether they will have sex with you on the first date. Alternatively, asking if they like horror movies can reveal if they are looking for a long-term relationship.
What not to talk about
Don’t over-compliment your date
”Why would someone like you be interested in someone like me when you can have anyone you want?”
Asking questions like this sends a message that you think very little of yourself. ”If you are continuously complimenting your first date about their personal appearance, it may come off that you are fishing for a compliment.”
Don’t knock back a compliment
If your date pays you a compliment, take it. Telling them it took you an hour to fit in your jeans can come across as self-sabotage. Don’t be embarrassed; don’t sabotage yourself, just say thank you.
Peel the cabbage, don’t stab it
Contrary to common advice about going for the revealing questions, getting to know someone is a process that should be peeled one layer at a time. Rather than diving head-first into a deep and meaningful conversation, they suggest you take it easy.
Don’t use a first date as an opportunity to vent ”Premature or exaggerated revelations are due more to boundary issues, unresolved pain, or self-centeredness than true intimacy.”
Don’t get all clingy
Over-touching and planning your second date while the first is still happening can come across as clingy.
”The bottom line is simple. Clingy is never attractive and can scare off a first date faster than bad breath.
”Live in the moment and let things unfold organically. If a kiss is supposed to take place, it will. If the two of you are supposed to hold hands, it will happen. Trust in yourself and just let it happen.”