Falling in Love at a Coffee Shop Dating Advice Tips
Don’t go crazy over the Pictures.
When using Online Dating Sites for Singles, it’s easy to get very picky and have super high expectations. When viewing subscribers we tend to snap-judge profiles as if you we are shopping online for a new pair of shoes.
This sense of being in the driver’s seat, of choosing, can be appealing. It makes you feel powerful. Fight it!
If what you want is a real connection — a relationship with a person you hope to love and who will love you back — you will have to bring your most mature and empathetic self to the project.
Don’t obsess about the details.
Don’t worry too much about the particulars: which restaurant, which Cafe or Coffee Bar, Which Movie or Book a potential date likes.
Instead, take in the broad strokes — does he live in the same city? Is she a reader? Does he seem intelligent ? Don’t become consumed with the idea someone out there corresponds exactly to all your tastes and preferences.
After all, chances are many of your exes didn’t share your exact tastes, and nine times out of 10, it isn’t why you two broke up. If you obsess about the little things you are likely to pass over the profiles of people who might actually make you happy.
Evaluate the tone of the profile.
What’s actually important in evaluating a profile is its tone, if you are on a Free Online Dating Site this is even more important. You want to try as best you can to get a sense of what the person is really like, which can be truly difficult.
It’s a challenge for any writer or novelist to convey characters in meaningful ways — it’s no less demanding for a person writing, or reading, dating profiles. It’s key to read between the lines to get a sense of whether the person seems well-adjusted — pleasant, friendly and reasonable, someone you would be drawn to if you met him or her in person, even if you didn’t know his or her top five favourite movies.
Look closely for signs of boastfulness or bitterness. Also, insincerity: the person who claims over and over again to “absolutely love” his or her life just the way it is, to be “completely and totally” satisfied with everything in it. These people claim to have joined said dating site on a lark (“my friend suggested it and I figured why not?”). These behaviours suggest this person might have trouble being honest about his or her vulnerability or true motives.
Attention to tone when you read profiles will help you to ferret some of those qualities no one admits to (we often don’t even know we have them, sadly).
Ignore claims about personality.
Ignore most of the person’s explicit claims about his or her personality — for example, “I have a sense of humour about myself” or “I’m an optimist.” people are very unreliable self-reporters.
That’s not just because they lie (although that’s a possibility, too), but because the way we see ourselves often bears little relation to how others see us. And only external events provoke our negative reactions, right? (We humans are expert self-justifiers.)
It means nothing. The only explicit claims worth taking at face value are factual — job, age, education and location. When it comes to less tangible qualities, people are just too biased.
On the other hand, it’s worth paying attention to what is implicit in a profile — e.g., a sense of humour that rises to the surface.
Don’t get attached based on a profile.
No matter how much of an expert you’ve become at reading profiles, and no matter how well this girl or guy corresponds to your dream match, there’s still a lot you won’t be able to glean until you sit across from him or her at a Coffee Shop.
It doesn’t matter how many delightfully winning asides he has included in profile about his cute devotion to his 96-year-old grandmother. Think her passion for hot dogs and football suggests just the kind of chill, fun-loving girl you’ve fantasized about dating?
You learn so much more from a person’s manner and demeanour — whether he makes eye contact, her tone when she speaks, how often she smiles. You also recognize social niceties; that is, what sort of effort he makes to ask you questions, whether she is constantly checking her phone, etc.
So much vital information is only disclosed in person, so if you like the look and sound of their profile then definitely Meet for a Coffee, why not, but the goal shouldn’t always be to find your perfect match straight away, but merely to winnow down the possibilities to a reasonable number, and then to meet the real contenders for a second date.
Don’t construct a fantasy after two dates.
You shouldn’t do this offline either, of course, but the temptation to fantasize can be even greater when you’ve met someone online. After all, in his profile he claimed to be looking for a relationship (and why would he be online unless he really wanted to meet someone?) What more do you need? Answer: a lot.
Sometimes we get so tired of Online Dating that we just want to be done with it and we rush into the next relationship. But getting too attached too soon is often the worst thing that can happen to a budding connection. It tends to dampen flirtation or scares off your counterpart. After a few dates, you are still getting to know each other, no matter how perfect he or she seems. To become too attached suggests that you are projecting a fantasy onto the other person.
It can be hard, when you so badly want to find “the one,” but getting to know another person, truly, takes time and patience.